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17 Dec 2018
 
 
 
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Custom Goal (Connection) #677096
aarontanxw commits to:    Connection
Next required report: No more reports due
Successful Periods: 1   Unsuccessful Periods: 3
Details
Contract Start: 16 Dec 2018       "Connection"
I commit to:
Connect with myself and people genuinely
Contract End: 13 Jan 2019
Contract Length: 4 week(s)
Recipient of Stakes: No stakes
 
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Reporting Periods
Page 1 of 1 (4 total entries)
Reporting period: 7 Jan to 14 Jan
Period status:
Not Successful
User report: Not Successful
Reporting period: 31 Dec to 7 Jan
Period status:
Not Successful
User report: Not Successful
Reporting period: 24 Dec to 31 Dec
Period status:
Not Successful
User report: No report submitted
Reporting period: 17 Dec to 24 Dec
Period status:
Successful
User report: Success
 
Commitment Journal what's this?


13 Jan 2019 04:08 PM

Didn't hit 5 connections but finally managed to speak to godma about how I felt about the Japan trip
 

27 Dec 2018 05:23 PM

December 27

It was nice talking to Ong today as there was honesty in his replys. I felt a return of energy towards myself and a sense of connection there. I couldn't be bothered to talk much to the ite kid. Interview with Mr Gu was weird and he was more interested in the ideas for blockchain projects rather than getting to know me. Bloody waste my time. It was nice catching up with Eugene and I could feel my dominant side surfaced always wanting to know more about Eugene even if it affects Madeline. Take away from today's discipline project review:

1. Removing any sort of expectations when talking to people.
2. Identify what is within my control and not. Stop expecting others to change.
3. Have 5 connections a day
4. Read 20 pg a day
 

26 Dec 2018 11:55 AM

December 26

There is so much fear and reluctance to talk to people today. The fear keeps hindering me from opening up to others and I dread talking to the usual uncle, aunties and immigrant workers. It feels so forced, with the feel and frustration so overwhelming. I need to constantly remind myself to overcome my fears and not to be afraid of who I am.
 

26 Dec 2018 11:54 AM

December 26

There is so much fear and reluctance to talk to people today. The fear keeps hindering me from opening up to others and I dread talking to the usual uncle, aunties and immigrant workers. It feels so forced, with the feel and frustration so overwhelming. I need to constantly remind myself to overcome my fears and not to be afraid of who I am.
 

26 Dec 2018 11:50 AM

December 25th

It's really hard for me not to be angry with mummy and auntie Jessie. There is so much hatred, anger and fear towards them that I don't even want to look or talk to them. I don't feel safe being myself especially when around them. I didn't dare to talk much to anyone, only occasionally with Alexis, Shijie, Paul, Mama and Auntie June.
 

25 Dec 2018 03:07 AM

December 24th
I realised the more I think of what to say , the harder it is to maintain a conversation with someone. There are a lot of filters holding back my thoughts and actions. Once again, I get triggered when someone raises their voice and don't seem to agree with me. These days I find have courage to leave a conversation sooner when it doesn't interest me. An uncle thought me how to use the stone walkway today and I'm happy to learn something new from all these conversations as compared to the usual complaining. Having lunch with liyean made me realize that she just wants a person to share with and talk. Most of the time, she behaviors like a little kid. Talking to Violet today is like a talking to an old friend. It felt so easy to share with her and in a blink of an eye 2 hrs just passed. Somehow during the conversations, I felt this need to be heard and keep sharing my experience, without knowing what's the intention of it.
 

23 Dec 2018 02:13 PM

Once again I find it hard to connect with strangers today as there was nothing much I was really interested in them. Speaking to the 2 Indonesians across the bridge, I could feel my fear and anxiousness being felt by them as I struggled to continue the conversation. After that speaking to the uncle on the wheelchair made me realize how simple and easy it was to talk to him as there was no fear and he didn't need to hold back. Speaking to Madeline today and having lunch was quite boring. It seems like there is nothing much happening for her and instead she had more problems with Sue. I don't know why I asked more about her problems. Perhaps I was starting to go into the coaching mode yet felt restricted. Somehow or rather I didn't feel like connecting with her.. although she helped me with recommending hiking places.. I guess our paths are just different.. Sometimes I wonder why we couldn't be like Loong Fu and Sun Xue, growing together. I feel sad when I see Loong Fu and sun xue during polar. On a better note, speaking to Jay today made me realize that I'm not the only person who is lost on this journey and am grateful for his sharing. I suddenly don't feel so alone. Shaman is really expensive and I have 3 things on my list : Coaching , Shaman and TBE.
 

22 Dec 2018 03:27 PM

December 22

Today I reached out to people I knew and connected more with ECI people. It felt good to know what was going on and I benefited from the conversations.i felt human and allowed myself to be vulnerable and for the longest time I felt connected to someone who is able to empathize with me.. Thank you Jace. Titus have been very helpful in sharing his experiences with me in terms of training and I'm very appreciative of his willingness and openness.. My anger got the better of me again this morning when mama suddenly very come into my room and wasted the bottle of honey by using a metal spoon. I reacted by just throwing away the honey water and asking her to bring back the honey. I was really upset that she wasted the honey just like that and it's really tough to manage my anger... I realised in my conversations with Jaime and Lance over dinner was really more about updating myself in terms of their current status and was not so interested in their petite talks about accent etc etc.. I really lack the patience when it comes to such small talk and was listening most of the time in my conversations
 

22 Dec 2018 03:18 PM

December 21

I realise I was forcing myself to connect to people and it was really hard.. There was a uncle who just left and wasn't interested. The dude who works at Apple customer support seemed like he found his dream job and I can't believe how ignorant he is. Then again I cannot deny that I envy him for having found something he love and enjoy. I feel like this connecting to strangers seems meaningless and boring.. it's like why do I want to connect to such people when all they want to do is whine about their problems or brag about their achievements.. As though I am a emotional rubbish bin for them to offload their shit.... Enough of this bullshit, I'm going to look for people who can help in forwarding my life, more meaningful conversations. I don't deserve this nonsense.. I need to love my emotional body more .
 

20 Dec 2018 07:43 AM

December 20

Finally, I managed to strike a conversation with 5 different people today. I was specifically looking for people who sat down. I realised that I was not interested in people who was not able to value add to me and fear of asking to have a conversation was still quite present. I get very triggered when people keeps going on and on about their issues whereas I am expecting a 2 way conversation. I would still be judge especially when I don't express my intent clearly before the conversation. Most of the conversation I'm the one listening. Realised that people are generally quite helpful. I become more noticable and people actually acknowledge me
 
 


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