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What's Really Going On With Your Recent Graduate?
By Michael Felberbaum   View more articles by this author
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November 10

I hear from a lot of parents that their recent graduate or college student is not motivated or that he is just lazy.  Does it seem like your child just wants to watch TV and hang out with her friends?  Maybe at your kid’s age, you not only had a job and your own house, but were married and had 3 children.  So how do you get your “unmotivated graduate” off the couch and on the road to his life?

 

In most cases, laziness or lack of motivation is only a superficial explanation for a “failure to launch.”  Because it’s a superficial explanation, it’s not particularly useful for the purpose of understanding behavior and making real change in the life of your child.  So, from my perspective as a coach, laziness is almost never the real cause of why your recent graduate is home, waking up at noon, eating tater tots, and watching DVDs at 3pm.  It may look like laziness, but it’s probably something else.  

 

In terms of engaging recent graduates and helping them to move on, it’s important that you shift the conversation from laziness to the bigger picture. At its root, laziness is a choice: for example, your child might allow present comfort (watching tv) to outweigh financial considerations (having no job).  Sometimes that might be a really good choice, and other times it might not feel like a choice at all – it just seems automatic and part of a routine.  I find it constructive to explore why someone makes that choice, especially if they’re doing it consistently.  If your son or daughter has a real aversion to discomforts – perhaps big ones like rejection or failure – then watching TV starts to look a lot less like laziness and a lot more like avoiding failure or rejection, which is something that can be addressed.  Your child could also be depressed and lack the energy to make any changes herself.  The question is how to engage in a productive dialogue as a parent, a friend, or a coach.

 

Let’s face it, if we’re all really honest (parents and kids alike), most of us will admit that we are, to some degree, lazy.  Nearly all of us like to take a load off, put our feet up, and procrastinate tasks that are difficult or onerous.  We might be lazy about cleaning or cooking or fitness, or something else that seems like a really useless chore.  For parents worried about their child’s apparent laziness, I encourage you to create a genuine dialogue using non-threatening communication and a little benefit of the doubt.  I recognize this can be extraordinarily difficult since there may be years of entrenched patterns of behavior and lots of “baggage.” To challenge your child’s beliefs and create a new dialogue, you as a concerned parent may start the conversation like this:

 

“Dave, I see that you’ve been home for 8 months now, and you’re doing a lot of the same things you did in college: going out, watching movies, eating tater tots.  I was expecting you to find a job by this point and I haven’t seen resumes going out or interviews coming up.  I’m starting to get concerned that we might not see this situation the same way.  I know you’re not lazy, so what’s really going on?”  

 

Of course, any parent who wishes to try this approach would want to put it in their own words.  The point is to redirect the conversation from one about the child’s qualities (i.e. laziness, motivation, fear) to the big picture of expectations.  As a parent, this can be an effective way to gauge where your child is in the process and how he or she is seeing the situation.  They may respond by saying any number of things:

 

  1. I’m not finding any interesting jobs -- there are none available.
  2. I don’t know what I want to do.
  3. I am getting to it, leave me alone.
  4. Why are you always pestering me?
  5. Can we talk about this another time?

 

As a parent, the important part is to make any of these responses okay and to work with it.  In any case, simply asking an open-ended question like “I know it’s not laziness, so what’s really going on?”  tends to shift the dynamic.  The conversation has moved from an accusation of laziness to something else – a true dialogue.  From my perspective as a career coach, many recent graduates simply have too many ideas of what they might do and are unsure of where they fit in.  They are frustrated because they do not have a good “mental model” in which to think about their career.  It’s not comfortable or easy to talk through these challenges: it requires parents, friends, and others who are supportive and will take the time to listen without prejudice.  A genuine dialogue can be a great starting point for both you and your child to move forward in a new direction.

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Comment by ashlee148
23 Oct 2020 11:28 PM
LOVE SPELL TO BRING BACK EX LOVER AND RESTORE BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS 
 Hello everyone i want to testify of the great and powerful spell caster named dr Jumba who brought back my ex who left me and got engaged to another girl, We where happy together when all of a sudden he just change he used to call me every morning and and night before going to bed but all that stopped when i call him he yell at me and told me he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore i was so sad and confused i didn't know what to do then i went online to search on how to get back my ex then i found an article where someone was talking about how the great and powerful Dr  Jumba helped her and she left his email address i took it and contacted him i told him my problem he only smiled and told me to relax everything will be OK i did everything he asked me to do and he assured me that after 24hrs he will be back, To my greatest surprise the next morning my boyfriend  came back knelling and begging me to accept him back now we are so happy together he can also help you contact him on email for any type of spell : Wiccalovespelltools@ gmail.com or whatsapp: +1 (908) 517 4108
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Comment by Donna01
21 Oct 2020 12:54 PM
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I've gotten back with my ex boyfriend with the help of Dr.Great the best spell caster online and i highly recommends Dr.Great  to anyone in need of help!.. I want to testify of how i got back my boyfriend after he breakup with me, we have been together for 3 years, recently i found out my boyfriend was having an affair with another Girl, when i confronted him, it led to quarrels and he finally broke up with me, i tried all i could to get him back but all to no avail until i saw a post in a relationship forum about a spell caster who helps people get back their lost love through Love spell, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via his email, and he told me what to do and i did it, Then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me. Then from that day, our relationship was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to DR.GREAT. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the Internet that Dr.Great real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: infinitylovespe ll@gmail.com or in finitylovespell@yaho o.com, you can also call him or add him on WhatsApp: +2348118829899 check out his  blog http://infinityloves pell1.blogspot.com  you can also visit my blog at http://donnakelv in150.over-blog.com, THANKS TO DR.GREAT..  
Comment by Donna01
21 Oct 2020 12:54 PM
POWERFUL LOVE SPELLS AND LOST LOVE SPELLS TO BRING BACK LOST LOVER +2348118829899 USA, UK, FRANCE, CANADA, AUSTRALIA, NETHERLANDS, AUSTRIA, BELGIUM, IRELAND.

I've gotten back with my ex boyfriend with the help of Dr.Great the best spell caster online and i highly recommends Dr.Great  to anyone in need of help!.. I want to testify of how i got back my boyfriend after he breakup with me, we have been together for 3 years, recently i found out my boyfriend was having an affair with another Girl, when i confronted him, it led to quarrels and he finally broke up with me, i tried all i could to get him back but all to no avail until i saw a post in a relationship forum about a spell caster who helps people get back their lost love through Love spell, at first i doubted it but decided to give it a try, when i contacted this spell caster via his email, and he told me what to do and i did it, Then he did a Love spell for me. 28 hours later, my boyfriend really called me and told me that he miss me so much, So Amazing!! So that was how he came back that same day, with lots of love and joy, and he apologized for his mistake, and for the pain he caused me. Then from that day, our relationship was now stronger than how it were before, All thanks to DR.GREAT. he is so powerful and i decided to share my story on the Internet that Dr.Great real and powerful spell caster who i will always pray to live long to help his children in the time of trouble, if you are here and you need your Ex back or your husband moved to another woman, do not cry anymore, contact this powerful spell caster now. Here’s his contact: Email him at: infinitylovespe ll@gmail.com or in finitylovespell@yaho o.com, you can also call him or add him on WhatsApp: +2348118829899 check out his  blog http://infinityloves pell1.blogspot.com  you can also visit my blog at http://donnakelv in150.over-blog.com, THANKS TO DR.GREAT..  
Comment by Dena01
20 Oct 2020 05:57 PM
My name is Riana from USA i want to testify of a powerful spell caster who return my ex boyfriend,it all started when i took his phone and saw a lady message him that she enjoyed the last time and i confronted him about it he was angry and and stop talking to me from that day he started acting strange then he told me he didn't want me anymore that he loves someone else i was so diver-stated i cried all day and night he blocked me from his Instagram and on phone so i couldn't reach him anymore this made me sad and cry even the more i was searching for something online when i saw a comment about Priest Ade  great work i contacted him and told him about my problems and i did everything he asked me to do he told me after 24hrs my ex will return back to me well i doubted him though because my ex didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore the next day to my greatest surprise he called me and was begging me to give him another chance now we are both happy together all thanks to Priest Ade he can also help you contact below ancientspirit spellcast@yahoo.com or ancientspiritsp ellcast@gmail.com < br />https://priestade. blogspot.com
View video on YouTube https://youtu.be/ky8 QtXoIaDI

WhatsApp: +2347059715465 
Comment by michealpan123
20 Oct 2020 11:05 AM
I just want the whole world to know about this spell caster I met
two weeks ago, wisdomspiritua ltemple@gmail.com I cannot say everything he has done for me my wife
left me 3 years ago left with my kids I was going through online
when I meant this wonderful man's testimony online I decided to
give it a try and my wife is back to me now and we ar1e happily
married again cause is too much to put in writing all I can say is
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Death Spell
Money Spell
Power Spell
Success Spell
Sickness Spell
Pregnancy Spell
Marriage Spell
Job Spell
Protection Spell
Lottery Spell
Court Case Spell
Luck Spell etc. In case you need his help contact him on this email
address wisdomspi ritualtemple@gmail.c om he is a good man
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Comment by aprilhorn148
18 Oct 2020 12:07 PM
EFFECTIVE AND POWERFUL LOVE SPELL CASTER DR JUMBA 
I want to use this great opportunity to thank Dr.jumba  for helping me to get my boyfriend back after 3 months of breakup. My boyfriend broke up with me because he seeing another girl at his workplace and told me he is no longer interested in me and left me in pain and heartbreak. I was searching for help on the internet and I saw so many good talks about the great spell caster Dr. Jumba and I contacted him also and explain my problems to him and he cast a love spell for me which i use to get back my boyfriend within the period of 48 hours and i am so grateful to him for the good work he did for me, that is why i also want to let everyone who is in need of help out there to also seek help from him because dr. Jumba is a very kind and trustworthy person. Contact him now on His email : Wiccalovespelltools@ yahoo.com or whatsapp: +1 (908) 517 4108
 blog : https://wiccaspel ltools.blogspot.com/   WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.w ordpress.com     
Comment by jaccylamber0
3 Oct 2020 12:35 AM
My ex-boyfriend dumped me 8months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me .I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 2days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. once again thank you Dr Godday you are truly talented and gifted. Email: Goddayspiritualhome@ gmail.com is the only answer. he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man contact +19194956404 - WHATSAPP ONLY
Comment by liora112
2 Oct 2020 01:00 PM
I completely trusted Dr Jumba from the time I spoke with him during the period my husband Left me after 1year and 3months of our marriage, Dr Jumba helped me Cast the spell work on my Relationship and gave me so much assurance and guaranteed me that he was going to bring my husband back to Me in just 15hours of the spell casting. I was so confident in his work because I have read A Lot of Testimonies online & Also for the Fact he Helped a Friend of mine Some weeks Back to get her Man Back. My faith was so strong About everything and just as Dr Jumba said to me in the beginning, my husband came back to me Asking for my Forgiveness And Also wants us to have A Happy Home together, YES MY HUSBAND IS BACK with all his hearts, Love, care, emotions and flowers and things are better now. Thankyou So much Papa, you cleared my Doubts about magic or Spells and You Also Brought Life and Happiness to me .. I would have no hesitation to recommend this powerful spell caster to anybody who is in need of help.. You can contact him through his email address: wiccaloves pelltools@gmail.com OR Call ️  / WhatsApp him on: +19085174108  blog : https://wiccaspel ltools.blogspot.com/   WEBSITE:  drjumbaspellhome.w ordpress.com
Comment by arwen112
17 Aug 2020 01:16 AM
get your ex back with a love spell that works fast.
Dr.Jumba has helped thousands of women get their Ex boyfriends back using his real effective love Spell. After my boyfriend of one year broke up with me, I could barely speak without crying. I felt blindsided and didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I could get him back and the anxiety was unbearable. I needed him back desperately because I loved him so much. So I contacted this great spell caster for help. He helped me cast a return love spell on him and just within 11 hours my boyfriend came back to me crying and begging for my forgiveness. Dr. Jumba released him to know how much I loved and wanted him. And He also opened his eyes to picture how much love we have shared together. As I am writing this testimony right now I am the happiest woman on earth. I want to recommend this great spell caster to anyone that truly needs an urgent solution to a love break up. Email him at wiccalovespelltools@ yahoo.com or wiccalovespelltools@ gmail.com or Call/WhatsApp him: +19085174108 "I'm so grateful and can say that if you have been broken up with and want to get that person back, Dr.Jumba is the best! I'll never forget how much he helped me
WEBSITE : drjumbaspellhome.wor dpress.com , blog : https://wiccaspellto ols.blogspot.com/
Comment by gabby112
26 Apr 2020 10:12 AM
FASTEST SPELL THAT MANIFEST WITHIN 24HOURS i want to tell the world about the great and mighty spell caster called Priest gbojie my husband was cheating on me and no longer committed to me and our kids when i asked him what the problem was he told me he has fell out of love for me and wanted a divorce i was so heart broken i cried all day and night but he left home i was looking for something online when i saw an article how the great and powerful Priest gbojie have helped so many in similar situation like mine he email address was there so i sent him an email telling him about my problem he told me he shall return back to me within 24hrs i did everything he asked me to do the nest day to my greatest surprise my husband came back home and was crying and begging for me to forgive and accept him back he can also help you contact gbojiespiri tualtemple@yahoo.com , gbojiespiritualtempl e@gmail.com or call his phone number or WhatsApp: +2349066410185 .or check out his website :http://gbojiespirit ualtemple.website2.m e 
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